I have never written about Brexit before because 1) I hate even thinking about it, and 2) I’m not a legal expert, and even they seem to struggle to fully comprehend it. But here goes…

Like most reasonable people, I am not just opposed to Brexit, but utterly aghast that it is happening. Yet, on some level, I do understand the events and sentiments that led us here. I get why people felt that it might be a good thing: Britain has been in decline for a long time, the EU does have some obvious problems, and immigration (you don’t have to be a racist to agree) comes with some pretty notable problems. Many people were frustrated at the state of our country and they wanted action taken. Like with the election of Donald Trump over the pond, enough people were angry and confused to make something really awful happen.

While those are fair and reasonable issues to complain about, I’m still appalled that they led us down such an unthinkable path. Brexit is nothing short of a national embarrassment, so hideous an event that it seems indeed to be the final chapter in that improbable epic, The History of Great Britain. Brexit simply should never have put to referendum, and in the next few paragraphs I shall explain why.

Firstly, even the dastardly Conservative icon Margaret Thatcher believed it was a bad idea to put such a topic to a public vote. I never thought I’d utter these vile words, but… I agree with Thatcher. *shudders* Yes, that’s right; the Iron Lady was spot on in this one instance. She rightly pointed out that the public may be asked for their vote on comparatively simple issues like the death penalty. This involves a simple moral question: Is it right or wrong to take someone’s life as punishment for their having taken another. However, to ask the public whether the UK should or shouldn’t leave the EU is absurd, as the question is simply too complex.

To put it another way, leaving the EU was never the simple question that Leave proponents put forth, but they were very clever in making it seem that way. They took a wide range of issues and put them under one convenient slogan, and then targeted people who were unhappy with any of these issues. Brexiting is something so wildly vast and complicated that even legal experts struggle to comprehend it, and yet the average man and woman were being asked to weigh in. It is beyond belief that this vote went ahead.

Which leads nicely into my next point. This may sound mean, or even politically incorrect, but go to your local Poundland or Wetherspoons and pick a few people at random. Ask them some questions about EU policies and see what they have to say. Go on; I’ll wait.

The average British citizen nowadays barely has the intellectual capacity to vote for a candidate on <insert trendy reality TV show>, never mind figure out the complexities of a legal separation of two political entities. Yes, they are entitled to their opinion, but no their opinion doesn’t fucking matter.

Does that sound harsh? Well, that’s a shame. Life is tough, but pandering to idiots is a waste of time. If these morons hadn’t voted for Brexit in such vast numbers, most of them would’ve forgotten it by now and would be more concerned about the latest Instagram post by <insert trendy “influencer”>.

Now let’s put aside the fact that asking millions of mentally incompetent people to vote on something that should never have been voted on is a bad idea, and look at what they voted for. To do this, let’s consider the following scenario:

You wish to purchase a banana, so you go to the local fruit market. You have a choice between two bananas. One is a bit bruised and blackened, but the vendor at this stall tells you it is still good inside. The other is perfectly yellow, and that vendor tells you this is the best banana in the world, and that the slightly bruised one is poisonous. Which do you choose? You take the bright yellow banana because it looks so good. Of course, when you go to peel it, you find out that the vendor has taken a shit and painted it yellow. You have been fooled, and now you are holding a yellow turd.

This is essentially what happened with Brexit. Immediately after the vote, admissions were made that the promises given to Leave voters were utterly false – not just small lies, but outright fabricated nonsense. Voters had been played like the idiots they in fact are. Many of them, regrettably, still believe the lies and cradle that little yellow poo, hoping it somehow proves to be a banana, while others realize that they were swindled, and wish for the chance to return to the fruit market.

Of course, the politicians who are in power helped sell those shiny yellow jobbies, and they tell us: “Pipe down; the people have spoken. To start handing out real bananas now would be undemocratic.”

Ah, democracy. We hold it up to be the absolute paragon of reason in this tempestuous modern world of ours. But is it really so great? Look around and ask yourself how the fuck we are stuck with Brexit and Trump and a host of other idiotic populist yellow turds. In the era of social media, something has begun to stink, and it isn’t just those shitty bananas.

Democracy was never the perfect form of government, but it was less terrible than others. Asking the same people who watch Geordie Shore to puzzle through the intricacies of international law is a bit like asking a brain-damaged rabbit to build its own new hutch by following instructions that have been fed through an Enigma machine. That we assign everyone an equal vote in the future of our country, despite the fact that the most popular newspapers are The Sun and The Daily Mail, is proof that we need a new system.

But I digress… sort of.

The Brexit referendum ended up 52-48 in favor of leaving the EU, and to me it is quite frankly stupid to have such a small difference allow for a change of such tremendous impact. Surely for something of the enormity of leaving the EU – effectively stranding the UK alone and thrusting us into a world of uncertainty – we should have required the support of 75% of the population at minimum. Right? Is it just me that thinks a slim majority should be able to decide to damn our country? Surely altering the status quo in any significant way should require near total agreement. This isn’t like transitioning from one incompetent government to another – it’s more like asking voters to decide whether or not to implement a Purge day.

I say “our country”, but of course this issue is more complicated even than that. I am Scottish, not British, and yet my country – Scotland – is being forcibly removed from the EU due to the political idiocy and right-wing fervor of our mentally inferior cousins to the south. We are part of a union with the countries with whom we share an island, and the will of the biggest has dragged along the others. Then there’s the Ireland issue and the promises made regarding the open border…

There are so many complexities to this. As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, and as is probably abundantly clear by now, I am no legal expert. But it seems undeniable: There never should have been a Brexit referendum, and there should be no Brexit. Surely no right-minded person could argue that the future looks good for Britain. We were given an out by Europe in December when it was decided that we could unilaterally revoke Article 50, and as we draw closer to a no-deal Brexit, it is time we ready ourselves for a few years of being teased by the France and Germans and do the right thing. Brexit has been an unmitigated disaster so far, and the real effects haven’t yet been felt. No good can possibly come from it.* The embarrassment of this situation can be forgotten if we put it aside and go back to figuring things out sensibly, but if we leave Europe and cast ourselves adrift, our decline as a nation will hasten and in this rapidly change world, we will flounder and sink.

 

 

* I suspect that a significant amount of the incomprehensible wishful thinking that comes from the pro-Brexiters even now stems from the old notion of Britain as powerhouse of the world. Alas, those days have come and gone. We may once have ruled the seas and a full quarter of the landmass of this planet, but we are now just a cold, rainy collection of islands whose importance comes largely from history. As part of a bigger whole, we can thrive, but alone we will fail.